Do’s and Don’ts for Parents When It Comes to Supporting a Positive Team Culture

The word “culture” is a buzz word we hear or read about all the time.

With regards to the youth sport arena, it is about the everyday behaviors and interactions of the performers who show up to the competition.

For TrueSport Expert Roberta Kraus, PhD, the President of the Center for Sports Psychology – Colorado Springs, Colorado, her meetings with parents of young athletes start with her telling them that every time a competition takes place involving their child, there are four performers who show up: the athletes, their coaches, the officials or referees, and all of the parents in the stands. In many cases, the parents in the stands have just as much—or more—impact on team culture as the athletes, coaches, and officials on the field.

Kraus then asks parents to share what they value about having their child participate in sports and she often hears all the right answers, such as spending time with friends, having fun, learning to respect others and support teammates, practicing time management, learning how to win and lose with dignity, avoiding unhealthy habits and activities, and learning to work hard and stay motivated.

Kraus applauds those goals and the parents for having their kids in sports, but she follows that up with this question: “So, why doesn’t your behavior in the stands match those values you just shared?” Unfortunately, the moment we watch our child step onto the court, we can unintentionally destroy team culture by getting too involved with how the athlete or the team are performing.

How long has it been since you asked your child after a game you could not attend, “Did you have fun?” “What did you enjoy the most?” “Did you learn anything new?” All too often, the first thing out of a parent’s mouth is, “Did you win?” or “How did you do?”

At the end of the day, this culture of ‘we treasure what we can measure’ is counterproductive to the kind of team culture that teaches young athletes the value of competing for the love of the sport, being with friends, and learning to come back from a loss or win with dignity.

Although children receive benefits from participation in competitive sports, they can often experience negative feelings, such as low self-esteem, lack of motivation, and excessive anxiety when they have parents who focus only on the stats, the results of the competition, or how this sport can help their 10-year-old get a college scholarship. The end result is a competitive team culture that very few kids want to be a part of.  In addition, a study by the American Academy of Pediatrics published last year shows that 70% of kids drop out of organized sports by age 13, mostly due to injury or burnout.

To prevent these potential negative effects on team culture, parents should de-emphasize the importance of winning, while encouraging the improvement of effort and enjoyment derived from the thrill of competing. These types of supportive behaviors help build a child’s self-esteem and love for the game, while excessive pressure can lead to stress and burnout. In the long run, parents who exhibit more positivity than negativity at competitions will likely be respected more and have athletes who work harder and perform better.

Parents of young athletes need to remember that if outcomes were the only measure of success, most athletes would be failures. If there is one fact we know about human behavior, it is that we participate and do our best in what we like, and we avoid and do poorly in what we don’t like.

Parents need to drive a team culture that holds onto a belief that the value of competition exists in defeat as well as in victory, and that athletic competition can provide positive life lessons for both athletes and parents –making athletic competition a true win-win for everyone.