12 Tips for Talking to Your Teen Athlete About Their Mental Health

Sports, especially at a competitive level, can add another layer of stress to the lives of teens.

There’s balancing the time commitment between school and sports, as well as the pressure, disappointment, and social scrutiny that can come with competition: losing, not making a team, having your plays shared and sometimes criticized on social media, trying to earn scholarships, and more.

As the caregiver of a teen athlete, your support can help them understand their feelings and feel valued and cared for. You can provide a safe space to work through all the inevitable emotions of life and competition. Of course, they may not immediately take advantage of it. Any parent of a teen knows that, “fine” is often the go-to answer when we ask how practice went or how they are feeling. That may leave you feeling frustrated and confused. How can you help your teen athlete if they won’t talk?

Schedules, time constraints, and moods can add to the challenge, making it feel impossible to find the right time to broach difficult topics. Know that there is no perfect time, and it isn’t a one-time conversation. Small interactions can be every bit as meaningful, especially for providing consistent connection and support so they will rely on you when the bigger moments come.

Here are 12 tips for talking to your teen athlete about their mental health.

Be Genuine

Teens know when their parents are uncomfortable or anxious. If you aren’t sure how to start, you’re worried about how they will react, or are just plain new at this, own it. Say something like, “This is hard for me to talk about and I’m not sure how to start, but I want us to be able to talk about things—even the ones that are difficult to say out loud.”

Once you get the conversation started, be direct and simple: “I know this is a hard time for all of us, and I want to make sure I can support you in anything you need help with. Can we talk about how things are going for you?”

Connect Over the Sport Your Teen Enjoys

Contrary to popular belief, the trip home after games or practice is not always the best place to talk to your athletes. They may look forward to the car, bus, subway, or walk home as a place to decompress and listen to music after an intense practice or event.

Engaging in an activity while talking is a good way to break the tension. Passing a soccer ball, throwing a softball, bumping a volleyball, shooting baskets, or simply going on a walk can be effective, because you’re not face to face and the physical exercise reduces stress. You can also talk while playing cards or video games, baking or cooking, or any other activity your teen enjoys.

Provide Effort-Based Feedback

Athletes can take a bad performance or loss hard. Take time to listen so you understand what they are feeling and validate those feelings. Avoid adding to their distress by criticizing their performance. Instead, look for positives and praise their effort instead of the results. Be specific in this praise by saying things such as, “I noticed you really hustled to make that tackle, even when your team was down by three goals. I really appreciated that effort.”